I'm just a girl...

I’m just a girl... with a fish.  I’m just a girl... with a fish.  I’m just a girl ... with a fish.  I’m not a fancy girl.  It’s not a fancy fish.  It’s just a fish.  Oh, and a loaf of bread.  That’s all.  It’s my lunch.  It’s my lunch.  I’m out for a walk. My feet are dirty, my clothes a little tattered, rumpled, probably out of style but, whatever.  I’m just a girl, with a fish, out for a walk. I’m on some kind of errand that’ll probably take a bit of time.  I’ll get hungry before I’m done, so mom made me take a lunch.  I’m always hungry.  Mom says it’s ‘cause I’m growing.  She doesn’t have a lot, but, she takes good care of me.

I’m walking along a little path in the hills, kicking up little puffs of dust with the tops of my toes.  There are sheep on the hillside, and off in the distance, on the lake, there are fishermen fixing on their nets.  It’s quiet, mostly, like I like it.  Sun’s shining, an eagle soars overhead.  It’s a good, normal day.

I come around a bend in the trail.  It’s a bit rocky here, I have to be careful, the trail gets pretty narrow, and there’s a bit of a cliff on one side, so I don’t notice right away. But after the trail smooths out around the bluff I see people.  I mean a lot of people, like, a lot a lot... gathered around this guy.  He’s not even very far from me.  He’s talking to them.  Telling them stories.  I come a bit further down the trail, closer to him, so I can hear.  He’s really interesting.  I’ve heard some guys blabbing on about stuff that’s supposed to be oh-so-important.  Do this, do that, don’t this, don’t that.  B.o.r.i.n.g.  But this guy was different. I liked him right away.  Felt like I knew him somehow.  For sure, like he knew me.  ?  He looked like an ordinary guy, and talked about ordinary stuff, but then somehow he wasn’t ordinary at all.

I listened for a long time, kinda snuck around to the edge of the crowd, sat down.  Picked some grass, drew little pictures in the dirt.  Didn’t miss a word.

After a bit I started getting hungry.  Actually, a LOT hungry.  What time was it, anyway?  Seemed late!  I should probably get going, but this guy... he’s just so... one more story...  I see other people getting a bit restless, looking at the sun... probably thinking it’s late. Just like me.  Probably hungry.  Just like me.  I see a couple guys come over and talk to the preacher or whatever he was.  They’re making gestures.  They’re looking at the sun.  Looking at the crowd.  He looks around a bit, looks at the crowd, grins, laughs a bit, says something to the guys.  The guys look like... well.... like... ‘huh??’... like ‘are you serious??’  They look at the crowd.  They look at him.  He laughs, claps them on the back, nods at them, gives ‘em a little shove.  They’re still looking incredulous (I just learned that word... do you like it? Haha!)  My stomach is g.r.o.w.l.i.n.g.  I grab my bag and pull out my fish.  My fish... just as one of the guys looks over at me.  He sees my fish.  He rolls his eyes a bit, shakes his head, shrugs his shoulders, and comes over to me.  He still looks kinda stunned, even a bit shy, when he says, ‘Hey... the Master wants to know if he can have your fish...”  He looks a bit embarrassed.  I’m thinking this is pretty odd, but, then hey... if that guy... ‘the Master’... wants my fish... well...?  He can have it!  He’s so cool!  I wanna be friends with him!

The guy asks, kinda friendly now, ‘You got anything else in there?’  I go ‘Ya, I’ve got some bread.’  And he chuckles a bit and says, ‘Awesome!’  He’s laughing now.  Offering me a hand up, leading me over to Jesus.  Jesus is awesome.  The guy tells him I have a fish... and some bread.  He nods kinda too big, bounces on his toes a bit, shakes his head, nods up and down a bit more, laughs a bit more... looks at the crowd... looks at my lunch... shrugs his shoulders.  Looks down right confused.  “What’s this gonna do among so many?” he asks.

Jesus laughs, claps him on the back, looks at me.  He asks me with his eyes if I’m really willing to share, and I’m like ‘sure!’  It’s just a fish.  He says thank you, then tells the guys to go get everybody sat down and organized.  He chats with me about all kinds of stuff while we wait. About my mom, about school, about the beautiful day, and the eagle.  Then he quiets the crowd.  They hang on his every word.  He looks up to the sky and starts giving thanks, for the fish, and the bread.  My fish.  My bread.  Then he starts breaking it up.  It’s the craziest thing!  It didn’t matter how many times he broke a chunk off that fish, it never ran out!  Same with the bread!  Weirdest thing I ever saw!  Sure never did that when I ate it!!  He ended up feeding every last person there!  Did I tell you there were lots of people there?  Like, thousands?? Ya! Crazy! 

They all had their fill.  We... all had our fill, with leftovers... Never seen such a thing!  He’s smiling, and laughing, and talking with everybody, having a grand time.  Eventually, we had to go home.  I never got my errand done, but I sure had one crazy story to tell my mom!  She didn’t really believe me at first, thought I was making it up, using my ‘wild’ imagination, as she said.  But eventually she started hearing it around town.  Not many people knew it was my lunch that fed them all, just that Jesus was awesome, and their bellies were full!

Weird thing happened later though, after Jesus had moved on, a couple of weeks maybe.  People were still talking about it, but, it got kinda weird somehow.  Somehow, instead of it being this amazing thing done by an amazing guy, it got to be about the fish.  Seems some people thought the fish was a little boring, a little bland (even though just as many people said it was too salty...).  It was the ‘wrong kind’ of fish.  They’d have much preferred it was this kind of fish, or that kind of fish, and why was it pan fried?  Everybody knows it should be grilled.  It was really weird.  The bread was wrong too.  This guy wanted white bread, that guy wanted 7 grain, still another wanted rye bread. This one said it was dry... ‘probably day old, if you can imagine! I mean really... ‘  Lots of people wished there’d been cheese.  And figs!  Why weren’t there any figs?  Maybe a mango???  Would that be so hard? They didn’t know it was me... so they just said stuff, right in front of me, right in front of my mom. They said it wasn’t good enough. They said ‘whoever it was’... (being... well... me...) should have tried harder, should be better.

On one level, I feel kind of hurt, like maybe I’m not good enough.  But on another level I think... Hang on a minute.... I’m just a girl, with a fish, willing to give my lunch, my whole lunch, everything I had, to a guy that knew me, to a guy that got me, to a guy that valued  me.  I’m not a chef.  I’m not a caterer.  I never set out to feed them all.  I was out for a walk, living my life, minding my business.  I’m just a girl.... with a fish.  I know that Jesus took my stuff, and gave thanks for it, and that’s good enough for me... most days.